Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
