i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
