I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
