We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
