So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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