i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
