I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
