absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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