So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
