Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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