ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
