I could have mohawked her pubes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
