Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
