We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
