When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
