I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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