do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
