Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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