I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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