hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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