i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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