Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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