Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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