i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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