It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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