you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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