i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
