For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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