Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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