I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
