why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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