I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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