i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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