I got chris browned last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
