Betty ford says i'm here all night
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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