dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
