Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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