you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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