ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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