Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
