she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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