If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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