Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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