I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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