I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I supernannyed him into submission
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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