i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
MIDGETS
????
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
