i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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