I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
