I'm going to jail i love you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
