She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
