we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
