Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
