i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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