He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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