$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
