I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize