Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
