is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize