We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
