I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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