South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
