You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
