Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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