and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize