I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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