im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
