Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
