Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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