I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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