Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
