i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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