I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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