THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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