i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
