I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
