If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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