never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dick very happy bro
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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