i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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