Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I want a musical about memes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
