At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
