Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I look better un-naked...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
