i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
