I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
