am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
