Are we in a gay sports bar?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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