She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
