In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
