he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
