yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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