Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
