3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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