i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
