he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How naked do you want me to be?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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