lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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