K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I didn't notice because vodka
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
